


Cases and Moments

by flightinflame



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: BAMF Amanda Brotzman, Cinnamon Roll Dirk Gently, Couch Cuddles, Gen, M/M, Multi, Project Blackwing (Dirk Gently), Protective Farah Black
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-27
Updated: 2018-12-29
Packaged: 2019-04-28 19:34:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 13,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14456265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flightinflame/pseuds/flightinflame
Summary: A collection of oneshots for Dirk Gently - summaries for each in  the beginning notes.Chapter 14: Mona tries to subtly hint what she wants, and ends up thrown in the trash.





	1. Film Night - Team Jacket

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 1 contains a lot of unrelated film spoilers - but not in detail, or saying which films. For example "He's already dead."

"Well obviously he's dead." 

"Modern world, they're just hiding from it, look you can practically see-"

"He's a murderer, and this entire thing is being faked, I presume that's his doctor-"

"Twins and killed clones, I actually encountered this one once in Utah-"

"Both the same character, just different personalities-"

"Guy on the floor is alive-"

"He's the spy-"

"He's his father-"

"They're the ghosts, it's a modern house-"

"The mother's dead but he likes the clothes-"

"He's on earth-"

It turned out that trying to put on a movie night with Dirk was hard. Like, ridiculously, impossibly, asking Amanda and her boys to join the family for afternoon tea hard. Because for someone who was incredibly insistent that he wasn't psychic, and who hadn't watched a single movie before in his life ("Why would I Todd? The real world gives us more interesting stories than this could ever be"), he was too good at working out the twists. 

Eleven movies down, and there was nothing he had watched more than halfway through. The worst one, Sixth Sense, was guessed within the opening scene.

What made it worse was that Dirk never actually seemed to understand the etiquette of movies. ("Todd, no, I am not going to sit in the dark in a room full of strangers with the potential for loud noises and bright lights and people able to come up behind me with knives. That's a terrible idea, isn't it Mona?" At the time of the question, Mona was being Panic Pete, but Dirk's hand was gripping her tight enough that she squeaked her agreement, and Todd decided it was best to leave it. There were a lot of times with Dirk he decided that it was best to leave things. He didn't want to know things and Dirk didn't want to talk about them, so that honestly worked out quite well.)

But with an utter refusal to 'attend the cinema', matched with Dirk's natural restlessness (Todd had seen Dirk be still. But that was at times when he was giving up, and just slumped into despair in a way that was frankly quite horrifying), meant that Dirk was almost unbearable. He'd bounce in his seat and work out answers and eat popcorn (Popcorn was essential for films according to Dirk. He'd absorbed enough pop culture that he would refuse to even sit down for a 'film' until Todd provided him with popcorn. Which he would then slather in butter and salt and sugar and toffee sauce, and the weird glitter syrup that he had /apparently/ bribed someone from the coffee shop to supply) and talk constantly, until Farah would excuse herself with a headache or other similar problem. And Dirk would try to enjoy it.

There was very little as exhausting as Dirk Gently trying to enjoy something which was clearly against his natural behaviour. Especially because Todd would reference things, and Dirk would stare at him blankly, as though expecting the universe to provide an explanation of what was happening.

Fantasy movies seemed to fare a little better, as Dirk was able to relate them to his time in Wendimoor, which he appeared to have decided was not traumatic. Todd was happy enough about this, even if his own hands still ached if he thought about it too much, remembering what it had been like to hold himself within the pool. 

Farah's taste in movies was a little darker than Dirk's. After enduring three episodes of /Friendship is Magic/ (leaving Todd unsure if he was dating a Bronie or someone who was mentally a six year old girl (and also unsure what would be worse)) she insisted they watch something a bit more adult.

Really, Todd should have realised that there was going to be a problem as soon as she suggested they watched James Bond. Because really, some of the things Dirk would come out with were horrifying beyond imagination ("That really isn't how you move when you're on top of a train"). They settled on Never Say Never Again, as a classic of a kind.

The problems started early, as they watched a character being beaten. Dirk seemed to switch between being even more verbose than normal and lapsing into silences where he would hug Mona even tighter than normal. The worse problem was when they got to the game. 

Todd was helping himself to a few pieces of untainted popcorn at the side of the bowl when Farah turned the television off. He frowned at her, and she responded by darting her eyes towards Dirk. Todd glanced over, and froze.

Dirk's hands were clenched - one on the arm of the chair, the other on Panic Pete, tight enough to make Mona's eyes bug out. His teeth were visibly sinking into his bottom lip, a thin trail of blood spilling down, and his skin was pale. 

"Farah?" Todd asked, feeling a little out of his depth.  
She was already up, starting to check for any potential threats, leaving Todd on the sofa with his boyfriend. Cautiously, he reached out and placed one hand on Dirk's arm.

Dirk jumped, turning towards him and frowning a little.  
"Really Todd, was that necessary?" He snapped, but there was something wrong in his expression. He was smiling brightly now, but his hands had kept their grip, the ends of his fingers turning white from the sheer terror that was clearly flowing through him.

"I don't know." Todd answered. "What happened?" He reached out, placing his hands over Dirk's, willing him to relax a little before he broke something (like a finger, or the arm of the sofa).

Dirk seemed to slowly peel his fingers from them, turning towards Todd and swallowing a little, his brilliant smile faltering a little.  
"I... I don't think I liked that film very much Todd," he murmured, and Todd nodded, guiding Dirk closer, moving him so that Dirk's head was on his shoulder. Dirk nuzzled into it, a momentary sound escaping that was almost a squeak.

From the hallway Todd heard a sound which was very clearly Farah punching a hole in the wall. Again.

The toy that was in Dirk's hand had been replaced by a bright yellow jacket.  
"Hey," he eased the jacket up around Dirk's shoulders. "I think Mona wants to cuddle."

"Hello Mona," Dirk mumbled into Todd's shoulder. "Really, I'm sorry for all this inconvenience, I just don't think that this is a good film to watch if that's alright?"  
"I agree," Todd murmured, checking Dirk over. He looked a little closer to his normal colour now, although his eyes were still a little wide, darting around as though looking for a threat.

"You want Farah to fix you a drink?" Todd suggested, and Dirk nodded quickly. Farah walked in with a glass, and a couple of tablets in her hand.  
"Sleeping pills."

Dirk snatched them from her, before taking a gulp of the water and swallowing them. He stayed curled up at Todd's side, until Todd guided him to move his legs so that he could lay on the sofa, Todd stroking his fingers through his hair. It didn't take long for his breathing to steady, as he fell into sleep, one hand resting against his face with the tip of his thumb beside his mouth.

"What happened?" Todd asked Farah, because she at least seemed to have some idea. Whatever had happened, it had angered her enough to mean their wall had a new hole in, so he was bracing himself for the worst, but he still wanted to know what had taken place.

"He freaked out when he saw electric shocks happening for people failing." Farah answered, her voice the carefully controlled calm which meant she was really a million miles from it. She pulled a blanket out from under the couch, wrapping it around Dirk, and sitting down, pulling his legs up over her lap so that he was sprawled across the two of them.

"One of these days," Farah promised. "One of these days, I'm going to get my hands on whoever made him afraid. And it isn't going to be pretty."  
"I'll help you," Todd offered, even as he was aware that really he had nothing to offer Farah in the stabbing-people department.  
"You can help by staying with him," Farah said softly. "He's safe with you." 

Todd hesitated. He'd never thought of himself as someone particularly safe. His entire life had basically been one huge fuck up, and then Dirk had got involved and it had moved into being a huge supernatural fuck up. He had a disease which meant he could collapse at any moment, and while he had medicine to help he worried about it getting worse. But right now, Dirk was curled up with his head in Todd's lap, trusting him to keep him safe. He supposed that meant he was doing something right. He patted Dirk's hair and tried to understand how he felt about that.

"Alright," Todd agreed. "But hurt them for me."  
"Don't worry," Farah said with a smile. "I intend to."


	2. Cuddles - Dirk/Todd

Todd lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, and listening to Dirk rambling from the bathroom. He appeared to be deep in conversation with the soap dish. Hopefully that meant Mona was around, but over the past year Todd had learned enough of Dirk's little 'eccentricities' to know that sometimes he would casually strike up discussion with household objects.

He could scarcely believe it had been a year since Dirk had first broken in through his window. His life had got exponentially weirder ever since, but also exponentially better - he had Dirk now. He had someone who cared about him, who was patient and who made him smile. Of course, he'd also come closer to dying than he ever would have believed possible, and had to adjust to things like the fact his boyfriend would complain about him to soap dishes - but he felt he actually had a purpose now. After years stuck in a dead end job, hating himself for past mistakes but not knowing how to move on from them, he had a life that was meaningful. 

Weird as fuck, but meaningful.

Dirk wandered back in, wearing a 'Mexican Funeral' t-shirt that Todd had given him, and curled up under the blanket. Todd reached out to stroke his hair, remembering how he had felt when Dirk had first entered his life - confused, mostly. For all that he denied being psychic and refused to even discuss the matter, Dirk was surprisingly okay with people knowing he climbed in through the window of a third floor apartment.

Todd had never actually /seen/ his boyfriend fly, and it felt a little rude to just go straight out and ask about it. But Dirk did have a tendency to gain height rapidly, and be found perched on spots that Todd would rather not think about him getting up to.

So for a year Todd had been friends with the bizarre man who was definitely not psychic, and almost certainly couldn't fly. And who was currently stealing his quilt. Which honestly, was the most major problem.

"Oi," he muttered, only to be met with Dirk's sad kicked puppy expression. It was an utterly ludicrous expression, one that should have been met with derision.

He slid over, letting Dirk take more of the quilt, and trying to ignore the victory dance that Dirk did in response. It was definitely easier to ignore that. Dirk leaned in and kissed his cheek, and placed his panic-Pete back on the bedside cabinet where it promptly became an alarm clock. Todd was relieved that Dirk had been talking to Mona, even though that in itself raised questions. Mostly about why Dirk had brought his friend into their bedroom full stop.

Dirk was quite cuddly when he was tired, and Todd wasn't awake enough to push him off, so he let him cuddle up. Dirk looked at him, eyes wide with wonder.  
"You're still here," he mumbled.  
"You were only gone a minute." Todd pointed out, and Dirk shook his head.  
"You've had hundreds of opportunities to leave if you wanted to." He mumbled. "But you're still here."  
"Go to sleep." Todd insisted. Dirk cuddled up quietly, and Todd held him close.


	3. First Case - Dirk introspection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 3: Dirk's thoughts towards the end of their first case

Todd didn't want to ever speak to him again.

That left Dirk feeling... sad, really. Sadder than he had felt for a long time, which was silly really, because he'd never had an assistant like Todd before, and Todd had only been in his life for a week. It was just a return to the status quo.

He didn't want to return to the status quo. For a short while, he had actually been wanted, and had had a friend. A best friend. A best friend that now hated him, that thought he was a monster.

He'd solved the case.

Normally, he liked solving cases. It gave him a sense of purpose. But now the fact he'd worked it out, that he'd been able to explain it all so well - it didn't matter. The man was still dead, and Todd didn't want to talk to him.

He had achieved nothing, he hadn't saved anyone. He was meant to still help Lydia, and he wasn't sure he could do that, not without Todd.

Todd was a harder assistant to deal with than Morlock or Mona. They were both quiet. They listened, and even if he didn't explain things clearly they never got mad at him. They just accepted it.

Todd was nothing like that. Todd was... Todd was angry, and he said Dirk had ruined his life and he believed it. Looking at the whole thing rationally, Todd actually had a pretty strong argument there - Dirk had meant he lost his job, put him at risk of death (he had asked for the maze to be less killy, but it hadn't been so he'd failed there) and had meant that his relationship with his sister broke down. He'd got him a lottery ticket, and that was about all. 

So Todd was angry with him. 

He hadn't known, not really, about what would happen - Todd had heard that, had seen what had happened. He hadn't actually been in the room - for all he knew there were clones involved or something. He had a few sentences to go on. That was all. Not enough to understand the case, but enough to ensure Todd hated him.

Part of him wanted to blame Blackwing for this. It was his default response when things went wrong, when he didn't understand what he was meant to do - but he knew in his heart that wasn't the real problem. The real problem was him. He was just a mess up, and even when he tried, he wasn't able to do anything right. Todd would be better off if they hadn't met, but they had met. They were about to meet when he'd seen the other him - perhaps he would have told him to run, if he could, but none of it worked like now.

It was locked. And the same stupid thing would keep happening, Dirk after Dirk getting to make a friend, only to lose one. Only for every time his own stupidity and uselessness to lead to Todd feeling betrayed, and then... then his past self would try again, with the same result.

He was doomed.

Maybe Blackwing was the best place for him. It was somewhere where he wouldn't get in trouble, couldn't harm anyone else. He hated the idea of going back there, but he didn't deserve anything better.

He had tried, to fix things, to go back and make things better, and when they found themselves cornered he had tried to do a time jump. Right back to where he had previously jumped from.

To be honest, Dirk was fairly sure he deserved to be shot in the shoulder and then electrocuted. After failing so hard at being a friend he probably deserved to die.

But Todd had come to finish the case, even when he was angry. And Todd was hurt too, and Dirk couldn't allow that. He tried to keep fighting through the pain, just wanting to get Todd out alive, even though Todd would never speak to him again.

Dirk could not think of a single time that anything had mattered more to him than solving a case. But this did. This was more important than anything else, because he wanted Todd to be alive. Not because Todd was his friend - Todd had made it clear he wasn't. But because Todd had been his friend, and because Todd had changed everything. 

That thought alone drove him on. He couldn't fix this, but he could at least get Todd home alive.


	4. Dragon - Dirk/Todd

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dirk was sitting on the sofa, perfectly content, his Panic Pete sat on the table beside him. He had a yellow jacket on, and was cooing over the object in his lap.   
> "What you got there Dirk?" Todd asked, as casually as he could manage.  
> "Dragon." Dirk answered, without looking up.

Todd felt he'd adapted remarkably well to all of his partner's little "eccentricities". Parallel worlds and time loops had become almost passe, and Dirk's inability to pass as a normal human being seemed more endearing than frustrating some days. But there were other days when he had to take a moment and a deep breath, and to contemplate what exactly his life had become.

Dirk was sitting on the sofa, perfectly content, his Panic Pete sat on the table beside him. He had a yellow jacket on, and was cooing over the object in his lap.   
"What you got there Dirk?" Todd asked, as casually as he could manage.  
"Dragon." Dirk answered, without looking up. Todd carried on through to get them both some coffee, pausing at the doorway and glancing back over his shoulder.  
"What did you just-"  
"Dragon," Dirk repeated, picking up the thing he had been cuddling.

Todd approached, his heart racing. He was sure it couldn't - no, it turned out Dirk was right. Curled up on Dirk's hand was an eight inch long, black scaled dragon, its wings folded over its back, and tail curled up around his thumb.  
"Why is there a dragon?" Todd asked, feeling he was being quite reasonable about this whole thing.

"I assume it's connected to a case Todd," Dirk answered, trying to sound superior. Unfortunately, Todd was fluent enough in Dirk-speak to decipher what he meant - that he had absolutely no idea and had just found it. As he cuddled it to his chest, a red eye flickered open for a moment.

Farah walked in, a shopping bag at her side, and opened a can of cat food, pouring it out onto a saucer and then placing the saucer on the arm of the couch.  
"You... seem calm." Todd mumbled, staring at her.   
"My father had dogs when I was younger," she answered, reaching out to scritch the tiny creature behind the ear. It yawned in satisfaction, showing glinting teeth.  
"Thank you," Dirk murmured, placing the small beast on the saucer. It stared at the food, and then blew out a small flame - no bigger than one from a lighter - onto the nearest chunk of meat before devouring it. It repeated this process three times, before climbing back onto Dirk's lap to sleep. Dirk ran a gentle finger along the scales.

"Dirk, that's a dragon."  
"I know," Dirk answered. "That's exactly what I told you when you asked."  
"But it's a dragon."  
"Are you sure you're awake Todd?" Dirk asked in concern. "You sound quite confused, I recommend you drink some coffee and resume the conversation in a few minutes."

"I'm already making coffee." Came Farah's voice, surprisingly calming given the situation. The situation being the fact that Dirk had a small fire breathing dragon on his lap, precariously close to parts of him that probably wouldn't want to be burned. Though knowing Dirk, none of him wanted to be burned.

Farah had a habit of making the coffee a bit stronger than Todd liked. Today, Todd was grateful to be able to gulp down the burning liquid. He managed half of the cup before the small dragon darted from Dirk's hand to his cup.

Todd might have splashed the coffee onto his and Dirk's legs, but felt he did well not screaming and throwing the coffee across the room. Instead, he passed the cup to Dirk.  
"Your dragon is in my coffee."  
"He's only small," Dirk argued. "He won't drink much of it."

Todd looked at Dirk, hoping for a sign that he had just made a joke. No sign was forthcoming. Unfortunately, that appeared to be Dirk's idea of a sensible response to his comment. He stared.  
"It's alright, I don't think I want any more of it."   
"Okay," Dirk answered, taking a sip - being careful to avoid baby dragon - and then turning to Farah. "That's... not nice coffee."  
She rolled her eyes.   
"You know where the kettle is, and I just got your dragon cat food."  
"Well, technically it isn't my dragon." Dirk answered, and Todd glanced at Farah, who appeared to be fighting to decide if she should laugh or hide under the nearest table. She caught his eye and smiled.

"Is there any chance of the rest of the case turning up? I have a boxing class."  
"If it does we'll let you know," Dirk promised, and she left, leaving Todd alone with Dirk. And a dragon.

"When... when do you think the rest of the case will arrive?"  
"Soon," Dirk said thoughtfully. "I'm just hoping that the rest of the case isn't his mother."


	5. Picnic - Team Jacket and Rowdies

"Your sister will be there?" Dirk asked, concerned, fixing Todd with one of his best 'I didn't think of this idea and so I don't think it's a good idea and may well get us killed' expressions.  
"He already said that," Farah answered. "Anyway, I like Amanda."

"I like Amanda!" Dirk answered defensively. "She's lovely, and Todd cares about her so even if I didn't like her I would like her. But she has awful taste in men."  
"Look who's talking," Farah mumbled.

Todd was fairly sure he should have been offended at that, but was more offended at the slight agreeing shrug that Dirk gave in response. He wasn't that bad, especially given the people he was being compared with.  
"I'm just saying it might be nice. It's a big open space, there's not going to be anyone else there, nothing will get broken, and it'd be good to see Amanda." 

Dirk hesitated, then sighed and nodded.  
"Look, if this somehow ends up world-endy, I want it on record that this wasn't actually my suggestion."  
Todd sighed but nodded. "Where's Mona?"  
Dirk held up a frisbee.  
"...is she sure about that?" Todd asked. He couldn't imagine much worse than being thrown through the air by a bunch of probably drunk guys.  
"It was her idea. She likes flying." 

Todd wasn't even sure where his life had gone so wrong that that actually sounded like a perfectly reasonable and logical argument, but it did, so he let the matter drop. He'd won, so now he had to deal with the consequences.

***

The consequences came two hours later when the three of them (plus frisbee) reached the site Amanda had mentioned. Technically this place had been fenced off by the police (and Todd was absolutely certain this wouldn't backfire by giving them a case) but the point was it was a large forest clearing, with a few old buildings that were being demolished in a couple of days, and space for a picnic. Dirk settled down, spreading out a red and white checked blanket and opening a hamper as the sounds of destruction echoed through the buildings. Soon, the Rowdies arrived, Amanda running forwards to hug her brother.

"Hey," he greeted her. "Sounded like you were having fun?"  
"We were, there was some glass... and mirrors."  
Todd resisted his urge to mention bad luck. Amanda had chosen to hang out with a bunch of not-psychic not-vampires, which meant she was probably in for more than seven years of bad luck even without that.

She grinned at him, and Todd looked as her companions approached. They all looked breathless, and were sporting matching grins.  
"Whatever happened to balance?" He asked her.  
"This is balanced," she argued. "We're destroying something, but it was meant to be destroyed, so we are helping. And anyway, Gripps made sandwiches."

"Are they edible?"  
"I've been eating what the Rowdies cook with no problem." She answered. "Actually, it was very considerate of them to suggest a picnic given everything."  
Farah stepped forwards and embraced Amanda.  
"Thank you for having us. It means a lot to Todd to see you."

Dirk was still sulking on his blanket when the others joined, Martin placing down a cooler of beer and one of sandwiches. 

Todd reached out for them, smiling when he saw that they were peanut butter and jelly - what Amanda had always had as a child. Farah grinned as well. Dirk stared at them.  
"What's this?"  
"Just try it," Todd insisted, and Dirk did so, looking very much like he suspected he was being poisoned. He took a bite, and then smiled and nodded his approval, although he refused the bottle of beer Martin held out towards him. Amanda took it instead, opening it and passing it to Farah.

Todd knew that Dirk was unsure about this, but he was glad he was there. Things with Amanda weren't fixed. He wasn't sure they ever would go back to where they were. But she'd invited him, let him be a part of her world, and that was a start. He'd take what he could get, and go from there.


	6. Piano - Amanda and the Rowdies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Rowdies help Amanda take revenge on the object that caused her first attack.

Six years old, and she had to be helped up onto the seat, barely reaching half the keys. She'd poked and prodded at them until the music had begun, an awkward clinking which sounded nothing like the music she had heard played by the adults. Her parents had told her to keep trying, so she thought of her big brother and his guitar, and she carried on, even when the scales made her fingers ache and the notes swam before her eyes.

Drums were easy. She held the sticks in her hand, and listened to her brother - she chose those, watching her brother and his friends practice, and being shooed out until their real drummer had walked away. She'd been twelve years old, still wearing a summer dress, when she'd sat at the back of the garage and begun to use the proper drum kit, no longer just bashing out a rhythm on whatever she could reach but guiding the rhythm of the others. It had been a good day, even if afterwards her brother had been too busy drinking with his friends to pay her much attention.

It wasn't long after that that her brother got sick. She wasn't allowed to see him for a while, as he adjusted, learned where his new limits were. She still practiced, in the corner, tapping out a rhythm. But she wasn't allowed to play in the band any more, wasn't allowed to bother her brother, and drums on their own weren't musical. Her parents persuaded her to pick up her piano books again. She was older now, able to reach as fingers danced across the keys, and she wasn't bad at it - it didn't bring the relief the drums did, the sheer exhilaration of managing to smash the shit out of something. But it was something she could do that was proper. Something that got her good grades in music, which in turn meant she didn't have to drop out of school, so she did that. She practiced and she turned the pages and she learned, as her brother saw her less and less. 

She tried to spend time with him, but he was sick, and it made him tired. She tried to understand, and to devote herself to her music - a gift she could give him. She recorded herself playing some of his favourite music on the piano for Christmas.

It was spring, and she was halfway through her semester. Exams were looming, and she sat at the keyboard, trying to relax. She was considering heading to the gym and punching one of the boxing dummies, but it was late. So she placed her hands on the piano keys, and let the music flow out of her. She was lost in the familiarity of it, the notes rising and falling when she felt something tug at her hands. Looking down, she saw that thin wires had escaped from the piano, were wrapping around her fingers, cutting into the flesh. She tried to pull away, heard herself screaming as her blood splattered onto the keyboard but the wires continued to snake up her arms, leaving her yelling for help as she tried to pull away, the pain almost blinding her.

***

"You okay there Drummer Girl?" Martin asked, his hand resting on her back. Amanda glanced at her hands, saw that the wires that had been digging into her flesh had vanished, and nodded.  
"Nightmare."  
"Looked like a bad one," Martin muttered, and she nodded briefly, before flashing a smile at the others. She didn't want any of them to worry about her, not more than they already did.

"Aint gonna let no freaking nightmares hurt you no more," Cross muttered, and Gripps nodded. Vogel looked at her.  
"Can we smash it?"

She paused, opening her mouth to refuse and then finding she was smirking a little.  
"My first attack, I was playing the piano. Learned it because I thought I should. Wasn't my kind of thing."

Cross whooped in sheer joy at being able to do something to help, and Martin chuckled, as Vogel wrapped his arms around her waist. She leaned back against the youngest of her boys.  
"You don't have to-"  
"You're kidding right?" Martin asked incredulously.

"There's at least 813 different ways to smash a piano," Gripps contributed.  
"And they fucking sound great!" Cross agreed.

That was settled then.

She wasn't entirely sure /where/ her boys managed to source a piano, only that by that evening there was one in the middle of the field they were staying in. Martin handed her a baseball bat, and the others formed a semicircle around her, close enough they'd be there if she needed it, but letting her take out her anger. And there was anger there, memories of her brother, of the times she had tried to do well and be a good sister only to be rejected. But she had a family now.

She smiled, and threw her head back in a howl before she brought the bat down.


	7. Dark and Stormy Night - Holistic Cuddle Pile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dirk knows something bad will happen. The doorbell ringing confirms it.  
> (Warnings for mild gore and implied violence)

Something was wrong. Dirk hated it when he knew something was wrong, but that sense had been coming stronger and stronger over the past few days. What had started out as little more than the faintest brush of the universe demanding attention was now tightly wrapped around his arms, pinning him, demanding his immediate attention. 

Rain was beating against the windows of the agency, as the three of them sat up and talked. No one felt like leaving for bed yet - Dirk slept in Todd's room most nights, although he still had his own space, and Farah had the floor above to herself, but most evenings they would be together on the sofas. Todd was sat against him, and Farah was sat opposite them, smiling a little as she glanced down at her phone. Todd was still finishing off the last of his pizza, and he turned around and poked Dirk in the side.  
"Hey."  
"What is it?" Dirk asked, trying to both glare at the prodding and not to look bothered. Unhelpfully, Mona was currently being a bookstand for Farah, which meant that his legs were a little cold. He had other blankets he could use, but none of them were as good as she was.

Still the sense of wrongness continued, and he squirmed a little, glancing at Todd.  
"You're so fucking weird," Todd muttered, but he smiled as he said it so Dirk didn't feel particularly ashamed.

His phone buzzed, and Dirk practically jumped to open it, not sure what he expected to see. He laughed a little at the photograph Amanda had sent him - Vogel and Beast had apparently been in a mud fight, and Martin was carrying both of them by the scruffs of their shirts over to a river. She'd caught the photograph just before he dropped them in.

Dirk was sending back a series of emojis that were crying with laughter when his phone buzzed again. Cautiously, he opened it, and found himself faced with a picture of all of the Rowdies other than Amanda in the river, all laughing.

He passed the phone to Todd, who snorted with laughter and held it out to Farah.

The doorbell rang, and Dirk felt himself tensing. Whatever the universe wanted him to know, it was screaming it now, overwhelming everything he could see or hear. He tried to tell himself it wasn't Blackwing. They wouldn't ring the doorbell. But his head was full of static.

Farah had drawn her gun, and the doorbell kept ringing.  
"Dirk?" Todd asked, shaking his shoulder, and Dirk realised this probably wasn't the first time he'd done that. "Dirk, don't spin out-"

"I'm here," Dirk murmured, blinking and trying to concentrate. "There's something bad..." he hesitated then shrugged a little. "I have to go and answer the door."  
"It might be dangerous-" Farah argued, already standing, but Dirk shook his head.  
"I need to," he insisted, and made his way towards the door. He pulled it open, and the ringing stopped.

Bart stood there. She wore her black jumpsuit, and her hands fidgeted with the material of it. She was shaking a little, her skin and clothing damp and splashed with red. At her feet was the dog.  
"Come in," Dirk murmured, opening the door fully.

Todd stared as she traipsed in, leaving pink puddles in her wake. The dog bounded over to Farah, tail wagging enthusiastically.  
"I thought you were-" he began, then swallowed. "Where's Ken?"

Bart gave a noise that was somewhat like a whimper, and Dirk guided her down to the sofa. It would be stained with blood but that didn't matter now, not compared to the look on Bart's face. It was a look he recognised, a look that hurt. She was still trembling, still silent. 

Dirk fetched Mona, who had abandoned her book-holding duties in favour of being a particularly soft and fluffy pink blanket. Dirk wrapped it gently around Bart's shoulders, before guiding her against his side, rocking her slightly and shushing her. She made a strange noise, something between a sob and a scream, like a wounded animal.

Farah had slipped away with the dog, but Todd lingered in the doorway.  
"Do you tw-three need anything?"  
"Time," Dirk said softly, his fingers stroking through Bart's hair, beginning to untangle it. "I'll be sleeping here tonight Todd."

Todd looked uncertain, but then he nodded and stepped away.  
"Shall I-"  
"Let Amanda know," Dirk confirmed. "Rowdies too. It's okay Todd. I've got this."

Todd hesitated for a moment longer before leaving, allowing Dirk to pull Bart close as Mona silently held onto them both.


	8. Baking - Farah (and Mona)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Farah tries to make something nice for her girlfriend. Or: "I'm baking because I have lost all control over my life."

"What... what happened here?" Dirk asked as he stepped into the Agency. He and Todd had gone out to buy some icecream - mostly for the chance to spend some time together, but also because the agency was out and Dirk felt that they needed some in the freezer. He wasn't entirely sure why, only that it had felt important. He had expected to return to the same kind of calm the office normally had when he wasn't present in it.

Instead, most of the surfaces were stained with a faint dusting of flour, and Farah was sat in her chair, her knees up to her chest. There was a glass bowl on the desk in front of her, which she was glaring at in silent anger.  
"Is... is everything alright?" Todd asked as he made his way over to the freezer. Dirk followed, pausing to glance in the glass bowl, and saw that it was full of some form of dough. Taking a sniff confirmed that it was sweet, and smelt vaguely nutty.

"No." Farah answered dejectedly, brushing her fingers through her hair and leaving flour stains behind. "I'm baking because I have lost all control over my life."  
"It looks like you're glaring at a bowl." Dirk observed thoughtfully. "I'm fairly sure that baking requires a little more in the way of... well, in the way of doing things rather than simply watching."  
"I ..." Farah groaned, but stood up, picking up the bowl and heading into the kitchen, which was if possible even more of a flour-coated apocalypse than the office had been. "Tina and Hobbs are visiting-"  
"That explains the ice cream!" Dirk interrupted victoriously, before he fell quiet in an attempt to at least pretend to be polite. Farah shrugged in response.  
"And I thought that I could make Tina some cookies, and she said she liked peanut butter cookies, that she made them with her brother before.." She shrugged. "I just wanted to give her something nice."

"And there is flour everywhere because?" Dirk prompted, earning an utterly undeserved glare from Todd.  
"Because I dropped the mixing bowl when the doorbell went, and glass and flour and sugar went everywhere."  
"You... have a mixing bowl?" Dirk answered, pointing. Farah upended the mixing bowl, checking her phone and then muttering "Rolling pin please."

The now-empty mixing bowl became a rolling pin, and Dirk beamed.   
"You and Mona are cooking together?" He squeaked the words, his eyes shining slightly as he thought of that. Because that was the kind of thing families did. Farah was getting help from his sister to make cookies for her girlfriend, and really that was the best thing imaginable. He ran over and hugged her, and ended up stained with white for his trouble.

"Farah?" Todd asked, watching as she carefully measured the height of the cookie dough, before fetching a knife and beginning to cut out perfect circles. "Like, they don't have to be perfect."  
"I don't want her to think I didn't try."  
"I'm sure that won't happen." Todd answered. "Anyway, it's Tina. She thinks Poptarts are a breakfast food. She'll love anything you actually put effort into." Farah said nothing, as she continued to carefully prepare the circles, transferring each onto the paper on the tray.

The rolling pin was placed down after she had completed the last circle, turning into the Panic Pete stress toy, which Farah picked up gratefully, holding it gently in one hand, her fingers tightening around it. Her other hand gripped the fork, forming a pattern on the top of each one.  
"I...just don't want to mess it up. I don't want her to think that I haven't tried." She moved the tray into the oven.

"She won't think that," Todd murmured, and Dirk nodded. "She is very fond of you Farah. She isn't going to assume the worst even if the cookies make the kitchen catch fire. Which I really hope they don't do, because insurance paperwork is difficult when you don't technically legally exis-"

The doorbell rang, and Dirk jumped slightly. Farah stood up, glancing in the mirror and seeming to notice that she was coated in a fine dusting of flour. She tried to brush it away, only to make it worse. Mona attempted to contribute by turning into a feather duster, which began to roll around the kitchen table. Dirk meanwhile batted at Farah in an attempt to remove the powder, making sugar and flour mark his own clothing.

Todd took one look at that madness and shuffled off to let Tina and Hobbs in. Even knowing he wasn't who either of them was really here to see (Tina had her girlfriend, and Hobbs had his adoptive son) he was still happy to see them.

"Wow Farah," Tina grinned as she walked into the kitchen. "What happened here?"  
"I... I was trying to make cookies and-"  
"Cookies?" Tina grinned. "Oh wow, I can smell them, are they peanut butter?"  
"You said you liked them?" Farah hazarded, her body curled up as she hunched in on herself.  
"I do." Tina nodded, running over and kissing Farah. "Love them. And they aren't all that I love."

Farah's answering laugh was a little fragile, but she was smiling, and her arms wrapped around Tina. Dirk poked the feather duster until it became an oven glove, rescuing the cookies and then trying to pick one up.  
"Hey!" Farah shooed him away. "They're hot."

Dirk looked at her like she was deliberately depriving him of fun, and the oven glove turned into a colourful bracelet around his wrist, before he saw that Hobbs was there. He ran over to embrace him, leaving the chaos of the others behind him. Todd joined them, and Dirk glanced back to see Farah and Tina sharing a cookie together.   
"You did great Mona," he promised her. She wriggled happily in response.


	9. Misunderstandings - Dirk/Todd and Amanda

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dirk sees an old photograph of Amanda, and misunderstands.  
> Warnings: Blackwing, mentions of past child abuse.

Joel and Linda Brotzman weren't bad people. They were actually quite patient with both of their children, and the life they lived. They might have preferred that Todd had got himself a proper job, that Amanda didn't spend her time running off with a bunch of strangers who lived out of a van, but they still loved their son and daughter.

Todd reminded himself of that as the two of them (or three of them, he never knew whether or not to count Mona when she was being an emotional-support-jacket) headed up to their front door and knocked. Introducing his flamboyantly homosexual boyfriend to his churchgoing mother and father wasn't the worst idea he'd ever had, not by a long way - but that was mostly because he had a truly spectacular track record of awful ideas.

The doorbell rang, and his mother smiled as she ushered them in.  
"You must be Mister Gently."  
"Please, call me Dirk," Dirk answered, a faint smile on his lips.  
"Such a sweet accent... I'm Linda, and this is Joel. We've both heard a lot about you."

For a second, Dirk's smile faltered, and then he tried to look happy as he made a curious noise.  
"Well, Amanda says you work with the police?"  
"We've been helping the Bergsberg county sheriff's department," Dirk supplied quickly, holding out his hand. "I'm a private detective."  
Todd raised an eyebrow slightly at how Dirk had chosen to describe his profession. The fact he hadn't mentioned his holistic methods meant either that he was feeling particularly nervous, or more likely that he was actively trying to make a good impression.

"And Todd? Amanda mentioned you stopped working as a Bellboy?" Joel asked from the armchair, where he was sitting reading a crime novel.  
"Oh, yes, um, I work with Dirk now."  
"Our boss is a truly remarkable woman called Farah Black, who is funding the whole project. She is a close friend of Amanda's," Dirk supplied quickly, his face looking almost desperately hopeful. His coat seemed to be slightly smaller, as though Mona was giving him a hug.  
"You can put your bags and coat down here. Now, Todd, will you and Dirk be sharing? Amanda says that Dirk can borrow her room if-"  
"We can share," Todd said quickly. It wasn't that he had any particular intentions for getting up to any 'mischief' with Dirk, but they both had nightmares, and he knew if Dirk started to lose himself in his past he needed to be on hand to help it out. "If I have an attack, Dirk can handle it."

His mother nodded sadly, and Todd tried to smile. That was another conversation he was dreading, but not one for now.  
"Shall we put our bags up in my room?" he prompted. Dirk had made use of the time to slip out of his coat, and hang up a coat that was a slightly different shade of yellow which had been stored in his bag. He'd gained a new wrist watch which had a digital display, currently showing a smiley face.

"You do that, I'm sure Dirk would love to see some photographs of you when you were little," his mother prompted, and Dirk's expression brightened further, his eyes shining with hope.  
"That's not fair," Todd whined, mostly to himself. "I don't get to see stupid photographs of him."  
"I'm sorry Todd," Dirk snapped back, his eyes shining with sudden unshed tears. "I didn't have the eloquence to ask to be permitted to take a photograph album before the house was set alight, after watching my family slaughtered, due to being a child at the time. Still, I'm sure that Blackwing will have some surveillance footage they'll share if you ask nicely. Might be some x-rays too. Maybe the first time my leg was broken. That's a nice childhood memory-" 

Todd realised, with a faint feeling of detachment, that Dirk's watch was frowning at him. His mum was standing there in utter shock, her eyes wide with horror. Dirk cleared his throat.  
"Sorry about that Mrs Brotzman. It's a bit of a sensitive subject, and your son wouldn't know sensitivity if it bit him on the knee in the form of a small blue reptile. I know because that came up in our last case." 

Todd snorted, unsurprised that Dirk's attempt at normality had lasted less than five minutes. He went to move the bags, as Dirk seemed to calm and settled down with his mother on the sofa.

He returned to find Dirk cooing at images from his childhood, his mother sharing her own input: "look how small he was", "he lost his shoe", "Amanda always liked being the bad fairy in stories", and Dirk seemed utterly delighted, until he turned the page and froze, his eyes going wide and breath speeding up. For a few seconds, Todd thought Dirk was going to shut down entirely the way he had in Bergsberg, but then he was on his feet, his phone out of his pocket, his entire body shaking.

With an apologetic shrug at his parents, Todd helped Dirk from the room, sitting him down on the stairs. Dirk's fingers were fumbling, so Todd took the phone and unlocked it for him.  
"Who do you need to call?"  
"Amanda, Todd, please..."  
Todd nodded, stepping away and checking what Dirk had been looking at. It was Amanda's fifth grade photograph, and her twelfth birthday party. Everyone looked delighted, and Amanda was already dressed all in the black which would become her trademark.

He went back out to the hall, and this time Dirk didn't try and move him away. He just held Dirk close as the call went through.  
"Hey Amanda," Dirk said softly. "Just wanted to hear your voice... How are you? ... Uh huh? ... And the Rowdies? ... Oh, we're fine... She's in Bergsberg... Visiting your parents... he's here... just wanted to check you were okay." With that, Dirk hung up the call.

"Dirk, what's happening? You're worrying me," Todd prompted gently, and Dirk shrugged.   
"Just needed to hear from her. I just... it's _Amanda_ Todd, I can't see what she'd have done that was so bad. And for it to just... just be there..."  
"Dirk?" Todd frowned, going to fetch the photograph album and handing it over. "Tell me what you're seeing. What's got to you?"

With trembling hands, Dirk pointed at Amanda's mouth, at the braces that she had complained about that entire summer.  
"She doesn't deserve that-"  
"Those are braces Dirk. They're to help," Todd pointed out, feeling like he was missing something important but having no idea what.  
"That's what Blackwing said about all our punishments." Dirk answered, and shivered. "It hurt Todd. The thought of Amanda... I'm sorry. Your parents must hate me now, but..."  
Todd just hugged him. He knew that there was more he could say, but words failed him.  
"No, they'll understand. Come on Dirk, let's go for a walk." He knew that if Dirk got caught in his memories, he found being outside helped. He squeezed Dirk's hand, seeing that his watch face now showed a heart icon, and then helped Dirk to his feet.   
"I'll see if Amanda wants to meet up sometime soon, how does that sound?" he offered, and Dirk nodded slowly, hope and fear shining in his eyes. Todd embraced him, hoping what he had said was enough to ease Dirk's fear.


	10. Indigo Skies - Brotzly

Dirk yawned loudly, leaning in to rest his head on Todd's shoulder, their fingers linking. Todd shivered slightly in the fresh morning air, wrapping Mona's blanket form around the two of them.  
"This was your idea," he reminded him, and Dirk grumbled a little, leaning over and his mouth finding Todd's ear, nibbling softly on the skin there. Todd shivered again, not from the cold, and leaned against Dirk's shoulder. "You know, flirting with me doesn't change the fact that this is too early."

Dirk shrugged a little, reaching out for the thermos in front of them and pouring out two cups of tea. Todd sighed, but accepted it, glancing at the view before them. They were in Montana again, and would be seeing Hobbs tomorrow - Farah had already gone on ahead, claiming that she had something to discuss with Tina. Dirk had made some rather crude comments about the amount of clothing involved in those discussions, which had stopped when Mona had turned into a toy hammer and hit him around the head. Twice.

The view was probably going to be pretty, in a few minutes. Already, the earliest hints of sunlight were glinting off the trees, picking out the distant shape of mountains and the river which ran through the valley. Todd placed an arm around Dirk's shoulder, glancing at him and sipping his tea.  
"Thanks for this," Dirk mumbled. "It's silly really, I just... I always wanted to watch the sunrise with someone, and Mona... Mona is wonderful, you know that, I wouldn't change her for the world, but she hasn't always been the best conversation."

"It's early," Todd muttered grouchily.  
"I know, and you aren't the best conversation either, but you do at least make vague responsive noises when I prod you, which is an improvement on her." Dirk swallowed. "I just like watching the light come back to the world. For so long I thought... I thought that I wasn't ever going to see the sun again. And now there it is. Shining just as brilliantly as before."

Todd squeezed Dirk's hand, watching as the sun slowly brought colour back to the world, alternating gazing in admiration with stealing kisses and sipping tea until the novelty of the view was undermined by how cold it was.  
"Come on, let's go. Hobbs will be waiting."

Dirk grinned, and bounced to his feet.  
"We're going to have a case soon, I can feel it."   
Todd knew those words should bother him. He found them strangely hopeful.


	11. Did this for me - Farah and Tina

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Farah loved Tina. It sounded silly, really, to admit that - but it was the truth.

Farah loved Tina. It sounded silly, really, to admit that - but it was the truth. 

Her entire adult life she'd tried to deny what she was _who_ she was, because the others around her needed that. Her family needed a daughter that didn't bring them shame, and Patrick Spring had needed a bodyguard, not a person. She'd pushed the feelings she had down inside of her. Having a relationship was difficult for anyone, let alone a bundle of neuroses like herself. It was too much bother, too much potential to get hurt. She struggled, and she pretended, and at school she flirted with some of the guys because that was what she was meant to do, but she could put her foot down. She could attack anyone who tried to take things further than she wanted them to go.

So she'd survived. She'd done her job, and she'd been damned good at it, someone her father could have been proud of, if he had ever bothered to look. He didn't waste his time doing that. But she'd been good at it. She'd been exactly what was needed.

Then she'd met Dirk and he'd changed everything, but he still needed care. And she could do that. She could defend people, she could fight for them. He was familiar in that he needed her, and she could help him. So she did. And when he went missing, she focused on getting him back, as though he was a client, because it had been easier to deal with an abducted client than a missing friend.

Things had shifted when Dirk had returned, and they'd found themselves arrested. Tina was a flirt, and to start with she'd just assumed that she was a flirt because that was what she did. Tina had an easy smile and a generous soul, and she liked people in a way that Farah never could. She even flirted with Dirk, who was gay beyond belief.

But in the hospital, as they recovered from bullet wounds, things were different. Tina was at her side, encouraging her, smiling and holding her hands, and Farah couldn't say when things changed. Only that one day they had been friends, fussing about the fact they'd accidentally shot each other, and then the next - the next moment they were kissing, and Tina's lips were unbelievably soft against her own, her touch unimaginably gentle. 

Tina had gently nudged her shoulder, trying not to cause any more discomfort, and had climbed onto the bed beside her, the two of them sitting side by side in their flimsy hospital gowns, exchanging smiles that neither of them had the words for. Farah had wondered even then if this was temporary, just a dream for a little while.

But then it had carried on.

It was never easy. Not when she had a job, a holistic detective to keep out of trouble, and a Todd to keep from biting potential clients. But whenever she could she made her way to Bergsberg, booked a hotel room or stayed at the station, and spent a relaxing few days with the woman she loved.

She'd been to Tina's place once. It had smelled of weed strongly enough she'd been almost sick, and there were mysterious things everywhere, some take out containers on the floor, and stains she'd rather not consider on the carpet. At which point she had had a fairly major panic attack and ran outside to gasp for air.

Tina had followed her, wrapped an arm around her, and helped her to the hotel. She had gotten her water, and shushed her when she tried to apologise, and things had been - if not good, well, they had carried on, and they had been alright. Because Tina's room looked like it had escaped Farah's worst nightmare, but it was worth having seen it to see Tina.

***

Right now though, Farah was standing by the door of a hotel, feeling rather sick as she looked at the receptionist.  
"I called ahead."  
"There are no rooms left, I'm sorry."  
Farah pulled away, and tried to formulate a new plan. She was good at plans, she was a Black, she was clever. She just had to work this out. She could sleep in the car, or see if the station was free - if no one was under arrest the cells would be suitable. She could get back to the agency if she drove for another six hours.

She shook that last thought from her mind. She'd come here for a reason, and that was to see her girlfriend.  
Her fingers were shaking as she called Tina.  
"Hi."  
"Hey, sorry, just finishing some work, I'll be at the hotel soon-" Tina said, and Farah sighed.  
"I'm sorry Teenie, you can't... They didn't save my booking, and now I'm going to sleep in my car. We can still do things, I just won't... be available for cuddles at night, I'm sorry."  
"But you..." There was a pause. "Look, if you're going to sleep in the car at least come to my place. I can give you a coffee and a blanket."  
"Okay..." Farah smiled. Tina didn't need to know if she couldn't use the blanket. As far as Tina was concerned, everything was fine.

She drove the rest of the way to Tina's house, parking outside and wrapping her arms around herself. Tina was bound to invite her in for coffee, but she could handle that. She'd managed worse in the past.

There was an excited knock on the window and she jumped, then turned to see Tina there. She smiled far more brightly than she felt, and opened the door.

Tina grabbed her hands, and pulled her towards the door, and Farah let herself be dragged. She was trained to withstand torture. She could manage a few minutes in her girlfriend's house drinking coffee. She tried not to imagine the state of the kitchen.

The door opened, and Farah wanted to close her eyes, but her father had raised her to be strong. So she faced it bravely, and as the door swung back it revealed an almost clean room - ignoring the pizza box shoved under the table. New throws were over the sofas, the windows looked clean, and the DVDs were arranged in piles - not neat or alphabetised, but still.  
"You can come in here, the kitchen, bedroom and bathroom," Tina said with a proud smile. "Uh, don't go near the guest room or the closets. But!"  
"You tidied up?"  
"I thought... maybe you'd like to stay here, if you could? So I made it so you could stay."  
"Oh..." Farah could feel her face heating up, and managed to smile before tears happened. "You did all of this for me?"

"I mean, Hobbs helped." Tina shrugged. "And the hotel manager owed me one for the fact I confiscated her daughter's weed - and put it in the station - so... I just thought, maybe... I like having you here. And I want you as part of my life. And if you need..." she gestured at the room around her, "--this, to feel safe, then I can do that. I want you to feel safe."

Farah leaned in to kiss her softly, because she loved Tina, and that wasn't silly at all.


	12. Just Once - Panto/Silas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Silas and Panto spend some time relaxing together.

"Beloved, sweetheart, darling," Panto punctuated the space between words with a kiss, his fingers stroking through Silas's hair. They were lazing in a meadow, a brook trickling at their feet, and for once Silas seemed relaxed. "You said in your letter that there was something you had to show me?"  
"There is," Silas agreed, and slid the glove off of his left hand. "Here..."

Panto stared as he saw the colour of polish that was there, selected to match his own hair. They couldn't acknowledge their love, if Silas's mother realised what lay between them then she would quite likely disown her son and try to execute Panto. And yet Silas was brave enough to attend court with one fingernail painted this way.  
"You are mine, beloved," Panto murmured, leaning down to kiss the painted nail. "And I am yours, with all my heart and soul."  
"I just... wished for you to see. I created the varnish myself, it took... quite some experimentation, to create the correct colour, but I could picture the result I wanted so vividly that I had to..." Silas explained. "I see it's a perfect match."

"And you called me out into the woodland so that you could check your colour mixing skills were of a suitable standard."  
"That was only one of my reasons. My main purpose was so that I could see you, and kiss you, and gaze into your eyes. That is my main purpose for most things," Silas answered teasingly, leaning back against Panto. Panto wrapped his arms around him, cocooning him in his embrace.   
"How have you been, my beloved? I pray that work has not been too taxing for you."

"I shall survive," Silas answered. "As long as I have your embrace to return to, I could withstand the worst the world could throw at me."  
"My arms are always there to hold you my darling," Panto answered, leaning forwards and nuzzling against Silas's hair. "You smell of cherry blossom and bubblegum."  
"The flowers remind me of you," Silas admitted, a little shy. "I... borrowed some of the soap from the castle, I thought perhaps we could go to the glade pool and... perhaps we could bathe together?"

Panto paused, his face heating up slightly at the suggestion before a problem struck him.   
"A pool? Beloved, there is a stream before us, and a waterfall not far from here. We need not stray further afield-"

Silas twisted to look up at him, a knowing expression in his eyes.  
"Darling, Panto, is there something wrong?"  
"Nothing at all, my dear. I just feel a waterfall would be more romantic."

Silas leaned up for a kiss, then pulled away.  
"I do not believe you."  
"Darling, you wound me," Panto cried, pressing his hand to his forehead and falling back with a dramatic sob. "Doubted by my own sweetheart-"

Silas laughed, laying down on top of him and smiling.  
"Tell me what is wrong."  
"I just... the glade pool is very deep."  
"You can swim my love, I have seen it."  
"I can swim, I just... do not know if I trust the waters."

"Perhaps... we could walk together to see it, and then you may decide how you feel?" Silas asked, and there was such hope in his voice that Panto could not deny him. Panto knew in his heart that he could not deny his love anything that was asked for, even when a smarter soul would have refused. He nodded, stealing another kiss before they stood.  
"I believed, my darling, that the great Panto Trost, finest swordsman in all of Wendimoor, lived a life entirely free of fear. But now, perhaps, I wonder if I was mistaken..." Silas smiled, squeezing Panto's hands with his own. He had replaced his gloves, yet Panto thrilled to know of the varnish that was hidden.

"I do not fear anything which I can fight," Panto answered, and Silas smiled knowingly.  
"But those things that cannot..." He teased his lover, and Panto hesitated.  
"I do not wish to be dragged down to the depths, and it is hardly appropriate for me to remain armed while we bathe. Even if it were, I would be unable to wield the weapon in water, and so..." His voice trailed off and he stretched. "I dislike the idea of finding myself unable to protect you."

"From whatever may lurk within a pool which my family have used for bathing for three generations, with no one leaving with more than a scratch?" Silas asked, and Panto sighed, following him to the glade. 

The glade itself was beautiful, a small clearing filled with different wildflowers in impossibly bright colours. The pool was in the centre, deep and still, and when his fingers touched it it was lukewarm, comforting, not the chill he had expected. He knew his task was simple - he merely needed to climb into the water, allow it to submerge him, and relax. His lover had brought cherry soap, and he could help Silas to wash his hair. But there was a tension in him that he couldn't shake, watching as his sweetheart undressed and dove into the water, then moved to hold onto the edge, hands resting against the rocks.  
"It is a comfortable temperature my love," Silas called out, and Panto tried not to see the shadows that swirled in the water's depth. It was probably the light playing tricks. He shuddered.  
"I can't," he mumbled, and Silas was pulling himself from the pool, reaching out for the fabric of his cape.  
"Then we shall go elsewhere, my love. I think that you would enjoy the waters if you tried it, just once, but if you cannot, then think no more of it, we shall choose another location to bathe today."

Panto hesitated, then stepped forwards and kissed Silas, wrapping his arms around him rather than flinching from his dampness.  
"You wish to share this with me?"  
"I do. But if you cannot, I will not ask again."  
"Just once," Panto murmured against Silas's lips.

"Do you care to join me in the waters?" Silas asked, and Panto nodded, stepping forwards with a smile as he unfastened his shirt. He could do this. Silas returned to the waters, leaning against a rock to watch as though he were a mermaid. Panto could not help considering what an exquisite mermaid his beloved would be. Yet he hated to keep Silas waiting.

He undressed, and perched at the edge of the water, dipping a foot in. The water didn't feel unpleasant, and nothing surged from the depths to try and devour him, so he supposed that he was safe. He still felt a little wary, but he knew he couldn't delay forever. He braced himself and pushed in, tense with fear, waiting to find himself pulled down out of the reach of air.

But when arms did wrap around him, they were Silas's own, the other man exchanging gentle kisses before picking a ledge to perch on and beginning the delicate task of cleaning Panto's hair. Panto leaned back, allowing himself to enjoy this gentle touch while it lasted. Judging by how Silas was smiling as they traded kisses, he was not the only one who found this peaceful.

Panto did not think that he would ever enjoy immersion in a lake such as this one, but at the same time he was sure that if it were needed, if it would make Silas smile, he would be able to brave it not just once, but as many times as it took.

A mischievous grin settled on his face, and he reached into the water, scooping it into his hand and then throwing it forwards at Silas. Silas yelped, spluttering in shock before splashing him in return.

***

As the sun set, Panto found himself soaked, smelling faintly of cherries, and utterly sated, a contented smile on his lips as he walked away from the Dengdamor lands where he had returned his beloved, towards his home. 

He thought he would be able to brave that pool just once more. If Silas were there to hold him.


	13. The Stupidest Plan - Dirk and Todd

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even for Dirk, this plan is incredibly stupid.

Todd hesitated, staring at Dirk in shock. He swallowed, his throat dry.  
"Are you sure?"  
He could barely believe what Dirk was suggesting. He took a deep breath, and as he did so the highlights of Dirk's stupid plans flickered through his head, one after the other, racing through almost faster than he could follow. 

Dirk was an expert at stupid plans.

***

The fifth stupidest plan had been when Dirk had decided they needed to break into an aquarium. The problem here hadn't so much been the fact he wanted to break into an aquarium, as that he'd been determined to do it with both him and Todd wearing scuba gear _’what if a tank breaks Todd’_ , despite the fact that what they wanted was located in an office.

They had been caught, and thrown out of the aquarium. Todd was fairly sure that Dirk had only not been arrested because the police had been laughing too hard to read them their rights.

Farah had been able to grab the document while the staff were distracted, so technically that particular plan was a success. It had still seemed overwhelmingly dumb, until beaten by Operation Catnip.

***

The fourth stupidest plan was recruiting all of the neighbourhood cats for help locating a particular symbol that a local graffiti artist had left as a signal for where he was hiding a stash of stolen emeralds.

Technically the stupidity there was less in recruiting cats - Dirk got super into explaining things, and had drawings, and Mona was able to speak cat if she transformed - and more in the fact that Operation Catnip had used catnip. Which had left half of their recruits rolling around on the ground, mewling and bouncing and not at all ready to go and hunt down bad guys. Using cats was a success, but drugged cats less so.

Operation Catnip was robbed of its podium finish by Fireworks Night.

***

The third stupidest plan Dirk had had been to celebrate fireworks night. Again, the issue was less in the basic idea than in the execution. The issue with the execution was that it had involved giving Tina and Farah access to fireworks. Which had been stressful for everyone involved, and only Hobbs had managed to save that relationship from exploding alongside the fireworks themselves.  
This idea was beaten (just) by the not-actually-a-dog incident.

***

The second stupidest plan had involved a dragon. A small dragon, small enough to be bundled up in a sweater with her little scaly head poking out as Dirk cooed and fed her Todd's lunch, but still a dragon.   
"Dirk, why do you have a dragon?" Todd had asked, watching as his sandwich was devoured by a hungry fairytale monster that was (though he didn't know it at the time) going to go on to menace his socks.

Dirk blinked, trying to look surprised, and answered.  
"A dragon? It's... it's quite clearly a lost dog!"

That particular ridiculousness was only topped by the shrink ray situation.

***

The previously first stupidest plan was the fact that Dirk Gently, Holistic Detective, had responded to waking up to the discovery that he was all of twelve inches tall by clambering out of bed, asking his sister to turn into a suitably sized outfit, and then climbing down to the office, sitting on each step and then lowering himself, and heaving himself up onto the couch where he had promptly fallen backwards and flailed.

He had been attempting to climb onto his desk (not his chair, but the desk) so that he could fill in some paperwork when Farah had walked in, and almost screamed. He had screamed as well, diving under the computer monitor, and Todd had come in with coffee to find Farah trying to lift the monitor off of him.

Todd had managed to grab the tiny Dirk, and sat with him on his lap.  
"Dirk, you shrunk."  
"Oh, I think that was to do with the artefact from our last case."  
"Why didn't you tell us?" Farah asked.  
"I'm behind on paperwork," Dirk explained. "I was hoping if I… didn't mention the height thing, you might not notice."

And yet somehow, what Dirk was suggesting beat all of them.

***

"Todd?" Dirk asked, his eyes wide, nibbling on his lip. Todd felt a pang of guilt for making him wait, taking a moment to look at him - sat cuddled close on the sofa, an open box in one hand.

Todd nodded slowly.  
"I've thought about it. This is, without a doubt, the stupidest plan you've ever had."   
Dirk's expression fell, and Todd leaned in, brushing his lips against Dirk's and then pulling away slightly. "Of course I'm in." He reached out, taking the ring that Dirk was holding and slipping it onto his finger.

Dirk smiled.  
"So, I was thinking should we go Gently-Brotzman or Brotzman-Gently?"


	14. What Mona Wants

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mona tries to subtly hint what she wants, and ends up thrown in the trash.

Farah quickly realised that if Dirk wanted something, he would go right out and say it, instantly and insistently. And then he would be shocked if he did actually get it. He'd drop hint after hint after hint, until everyone had heard enough of it, and then if they agreed he'd be startled. She tried not to consider the deprivation that had led to that particular instinct.

If Todd wanted something he'd suggest it, but be willing to compromise or to say no.

Realising that Mona wanted something, however, could take some time (and was often filled with highly traumatic near misses). Like the fact she'd thrown Mona in the trash.

She felt bad about that, even though logically she couldn't have realised that was what she was about to do. She had to take the trash out on a Tuesday morning, and she headed into the office to find that there was a flyer about Seattle zoo on the doormat. If she had stopped for a closer look, she would have realised that some of the pictures were a little wriggly, and the spelling of 'Rinoserus' was butchered beyond belief. But it was first thing in the morning, and she wanted coffee, so she had just grabbed the leaflet and thrown it into the waste paper, then dragged the bag from the trash can and tied it into a knot, before heading to turn the coffee machine on.

There had been a sudden loud noise, and she'd turned around to see Mona was sitting in the middle of the floor, surrounded by a lot of pieces of paper. She had giggled and waved, and Farah had been pretty sure this was a record time for a stress headache. She made two cups of coffee, and then went to remind Mona about not being anything that might accidentally be consumed or thrown away. 

After that, Mona had been quiet for a couple of days. Farah couldn't help worrying that she was upset about what had been done, that her accidental throwing-into-trash had somehow shaken Mona's belief that she belonged as a valued part of the agency. Mona had said nothing that suggested that, but she still found that she was concerned. Eventually, she picked up the Panic Pete doll and took her over to her desk, trying to crouch down and make eye contact as best as was possible with a lump of rubber.  
"Mona, I'm sorry I threw you away. I didn't realise it was you. I never would have done that if I had known, you are far too precious for that, and I'm sorry if I scared you. It wasn't deliberate."

Mona squeaked slightly, and Farah wondered what that meant, if it was a sign of forgiveness or a complaint. "I should have looked more carefully."  
"It's okay," Mona said, perching on the edge of Farah's desk and wriggling from side to side. "I didn't mean to scare you."  
"It's okay... I'm just glad you're okay and didn't get hurt." Farah tried not to think of what would have happened if the garbage truck had arrived before Mona had reformed as a human.

"It's alright, I'm not hurt. And you're not hurt either," Mona told her, then offered out her arms. "Would you like a cuddle?"   
"I would," Farah agreed, leaning in to embrace her and then smiling as Mona morphed into a jacket around her. It was black, with orange stripes across it. Farah resumed her work, relieved that the two of them had sorted things out.

The next day, Mona had been a plushie lion, which Dirk had used as a screen cleaner. The day after, a tiny tiger cub had been barrelling around the office until she had got tired, at which point she had climbed into Farah's lap for a rest. The next day, there was an elephant-themed coat rack, and the day after she had been a teddy bear.

Farah paused, looking at her thoughtfully.  
"Mona?" she asked the ring tailed lemur which was perching on her shoulder. "Would you like to go to the zoo?"  
"Can we?" Mona asked, instantly human and bouncing from foot to foot. "Can we all go? Can Dirk come too?" 

"In a couple of days?" Farah answered. "I'll need to get tickets, and we have to finish the case we're working on, but then we can go."  
Mona squealed and leaned forwards, hugging her tightly and then going to sit on Dirk's desk as a chameleon.

***

When the day for visiting the zoo arrived Farah headed into the office to find that Mona was sitting by the coffee machine, three cups of coffee beside her.  
"Hello Mona," she greeted her. It was still hard at points to handle the fact that sometimes you would come into the office and find a person there, and that sometimes Mona would just appear, but Farah did care about her. "Are those for us?"  
"I thought you might need coffee."  
"That's kind of you," Farah encouraged. "Todd and Dirk should be down soon, and Tina and Hobbs are coming as well."

Mona threw herself forwards, landing on Farah as a mouse which promptly scurried up to sit on her shoulder and look out at the world.  
"Do you know what shape you want to be today Mona?" Farah asked gently, wanting to encourage her to choose but also knowing that they wouldn't be able to walk through the zoo unnoticed if Mona chose to be whatever creature she had seen last.

"I'll be a human," Mona said softly. "I know the zoo rules."  
"Oh?"  
"One of us always has to hold the person we're with's hand and I'm not allowed to change shape and I have to make sure I don't go out of sight and I can't get upset if the animals are in boxes."  
"The zoo is fairly open," Farah answered, because she'd thought to check that, not wanting to distress either Mona or her brother. But the rest of what Mona said bothered her a little. "Who did you go to the zoo with?"  
"We went with Mister Priest? It was a nice day!" Mona giggled slightly. "There were all kinds of creatures and I saw them all and Dirk was there and we got to eat some ice cream and it was lovely!" She bounced a little where she stood. "It was fun."

"That's good," Farah answered, because Dirk never acted like there was an issue if Mona said something like this, and the last thing she wanted was to make Mona feel she had done something wrong.

"They let me go out to see all the creatures. It was really cool. Normally I wasn't ever allowed out, but I was allowed for that, and Dirk got to come too so that I didn't run away." She smiled, and Farah was relieved to hear footsteps on the stairs before the door opened and Dirk walked in, a bright smile on his face.

"Hey you," he cuddled Mona. "Feeling human-shape today?"  
"I think so," she answered. "I was teaching Farah the zoo rules."  
"Oh, well, that’s good," Dirk answered. "But I think the zoo's going to be even more fun with Farah and Todd than it was before."  
"Really?" Mona asked, and she squeaked before hugging him again. Dirk nodded, cuddling her in return and jumping slightly as he heard the beep of a car outside. Farah smiled.  
"Our ride is here."

"Can we see the penguins?" Mona asked, skipping alongside Dirk as they headed to the waiting car.  
"We can see whatever you'd like," Dirk promised, and she cuddled him tightly in gratitude.


End file.
